Still Struggling

Posted on August 1, 2022 by phylton

I’ve been struggling for a while. Depression, drinking, doubts. They’re all kind of mixed-up. Interrelated. Unmanageable.

Sure, I’ve had a lot of changes in my life in the fifteen years. Caregiving took a toll. Losing both parents, moving, starting a new business, growing older, failing at our new business, and moving again all have kind of weighed me down physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

But I’m getting better. Healing. Resting.

I joined a group at my church called Regeneration. A place where people could admit struggles and find kind candor. Love–not judgement. All of this based on the gospel message of Christs’ unfailing, unfathomable, and reckless love for us.

It is freeing.

My family asks me how I like it after I come home on Wednesday nights, and I say something like, “kind of.” Because what I used to say about caregiving is true about spiritual growth. “What’s hard is good. But it’s still hard.”

After nine months in the program, I’m almost ready to graduate. I have not succeeded, but I’m better.

What have I learned? Something I knew but just needed to be reminded of. That true joy comes from knowing God intimately and obeying Him intentionally. And I am getting back to that.

Let me know about your journey. We can pray for each other. And maybe we can find true freedom, joy and shalom.